A lot of focus gets given through various media to the aesthetics, equipment and activities associated with domination. Rightly so, these are a part of a scene for many, and a visual and physical demonstration of what one may wish to convey, inflict or impart. To those who may be new to BDSM and fetishism I think it is important to point out that these are not the only key factors within this area.
The non-tangible elements are vitally important, and can be broken down into the following: communication, ambience, the ability to lose oneself without losing control, trust, respect and last but not least, a sense of humor.
As we all know, there are many variables to consider, so for this article the points above are going to be considered from my area of expertise – professional domination.
Lets start with communication, and break it down into three parts.
A visit to a Professional Dominatrix can be viewed in these stages – pre-session, session, and post session.
So regarding pre-session communication – what is important? The first part of this communication is your own internal dialogue, where you search for the right kind of dominant to fit your requirements and needs. Saying ‘I just want to be dominated’ is a bit like walking into a patisserie and saying ‘I like cake’! There are many highly skilled dominants who specialize in many different areas – take the time to really think about what you want from a session, and the kind of person you wish to interact with. Read and research websites, most are constructed to give you a good idea of what to expect. Once you have made an informed decision, now is the time to make your initial contact. Professional dominatrix receive many calls and emails, so make sure that you are polite, concise and informative – think before you type or call! Ensure that the person you are contacting practices your areas of interest (this should be stated on most sites or adverts) then clearly state in your call or email what you require, if you have any prior experience, and when you are available to session. Remember, this first contact is often when the dominatrix will decide whether or not to see you, so do try to give a good account of yourself, and read their site or advertisement thoroughly – being asked for information such as prices, location etc. which are already clearly stated can be a little annoying. Make sure you also outline any health problems, things that you definitely can and cannot do (eg be marked) Most PD’s will ask you these questions so have an answer prepared.
The second part of pre-session communication is when you arrive. Communication is not just about what you say or write, but also about how you present yourself – while it is not a job interview, make sure you are clean and tidy and if you have not already paid the tribute, have the correct amount with you preferably in an envelope. Now is your chance (unless you have arranged to start a scene on arrival) to finalize what you have discussed, and if all is well and communication has been clear there should be a good chemistry between you and the dominatrix you are to session with.
In session communication is equally important. Now you have entered the playing field and are ready to experience something you may have been anticipating for a long time. If your pre-session communication has been thorough and clear, the session should flow well, but do remember that often a good session may include an element of spontaneity. Be prepared for things to change throughout the session, as this can often be to your benefit as it can be an organic process. If you have arranged a rigid session with no room for change, then you may not need to consider this. Remember that you are both there to enjoy the session, so do your utmost to ensure that you are both happy with proceedings. Allow your boundaries to be pushed within your limits (which will be safe with an experienced and intuitive dominant) but do not do anything which you may later regret. Allow yourself to become lost in the experience, but unless with someone you know well do not forget the part of you that is a grown adult, with a responsibility for your own care, both emotional and physical. Sometimes things don’t go to plan, no matter how perfect your dominant – this is a part of life – be mature enough to accept it and move on.
Post session communication can involve an informal chat after the session where activities and experiences can be discussed further, but often you may be so full of emotions, adrenalin and so on that you need to relax before your onward journey. If you wish to comment on the session when the initial adrenalin buzz has ceased a little, or offer thanks or thoughts for future sessions, many dominants accept emails for this purpose.
So remember, be polite, be clear and be concise – and if you are unsure of something, ask. And of course, do not forget that the making of a good session is as much your responsibility as that of the person you are visiting.